Can you beat a novelty TV tie-in song? Yes, and preferably with a big, big stick with pointy nails in the end of it. Every actor thinks he's a singer, every singer thinks he's an actor, and what you end up with is pappy dross, such as exemplified by this offering.
Come with me back to Christmas 1983 - a magical time, your first Christmas as a teenager, where you leave all childish things behind you and begin your mature appreciation of the yuletide spirit.
Well, it would seem not, as I was still gullible and innocent enough to buy this tat with my paper-round money. As I'm sure you all know, this was George Cole and Dennis (write the theme toon, sing the theme toon) Waterman reprising their roles from 'Minder' singing about the difficulty of finding a suitable present for 'er indoors, while managing to bastardise one of the most beautiful Christmas Carols - In The Bleak Midwinter. I'm reliably informed (well, Wikipedia says anyway) that this reached the heady heights of Number 21 in the UK charts. I feel in some small way responsible. Sorry.
Some kind soul has put a copy of this up on this internet of ours, so if you're unfamiliar with this 'song' or feel like torturing yourself, here's the link,
Of course, every single had a 'b' side, and I recall that I preferred this at the time - a fairly basic sketch about 'Terry' writing a song for his girlfriend who turns out to be.... well, don't let me spoil it for you. Why not have a listen for yourself here
Oh dear. I'm glad there's 25 years between me and this song.